I will make no promises about being back. I still have all those blogs swirling around in my head that I can't seem to get out to my fingers. But in the space of a few days, I've had various kinds of contacts with old friend IF bloggers, which has made me realize how much I miss our exchanges. Life goes on, thank God so many of my IF blog friends have gone on to have beautiful children, but I've started digging around the blogs again to try to catch up on everyone. I miss you!
Meanwhile, I can comment on one thing, since moving to Israel. Israel is a very family-friendly country. Nearly everyone has kids, and nearly everything is geared towards children. It has nothing to do with all the religious Jews in Israel. Non religious families typically have 3, 4 or 5 children.
We live in a surburban town that is very family oriented. I know, why would we voluntarily do that to ourselves? We were thinking in terms of convenience at the time, not in terms of the kid-centred community.
Based on past experience of my friends having babies, I wasn't too worried that I'd have a difficult time. And gratefully, I was right. I'm surrounded by pregnant women, babies, toddlers, little kids, strollers, playgrounds, toys, laughter... Ironically, I live one building away from a daycare centre. At daycare centres here, kids spend a lot of time of outside, so it's hard to miss the yelling and laughing and general kid-like sounds.
But yet, I am, thank God, fine. I love playing with my friends' children, love watching them learn to walk and talk and interact. There are still difficult moments, and maybe I can get motivated to post about that another time. Meanwhile, I'm always pleasantly surprised to find that I'm okay. Maybe oversaturation was the key all along.
How frustrating to finally get myself back into blogging, only to have isp problems that keep knocking me offline. At least we think it's isp problems. We have a tech coming over today.
Now if I were a logical person, I would write all my blogs in a notepad and then during the few minutes I have online, I would pop in and throw a post up.
That's if I were logical.
I guess I'll just have to learn to write my posts out before hand so I'm not thrown off by being thrown off.
and wound up in Israel! At the risk of sounding really corny, a big huge thanks and a massive group hug to everyone who checked in on me. It's really nice and gives me warm fuzzies to know there are people out there who are concerned about me.
But, I'm fine, all is good in Projgen land. As good as can be expected, of course.
I had mentioned a while back that Hubby and I were planning on moving to Israel. Once we started packing and selling and donating and dumping, there was no time for anything else. We had to find an apartment via email, we had to arrange paperwork, I had to wrap up things at my job, etc., etc. Then we left early to visit with our respective families in our respective countries of origin, so of course, internet access was very limited. Not to mention our time was limited. Any time we could grab an internet connection, it was for finding an apartment, contacting our friends who were helping us find an apartment (thank you Kirby - and her other half - and Rachel!). And of course, once again I'm behind on everyone's blogs. So much so, that I missed Bea's baby! I'll try to catch up.
Took a few weeks to get an internet connection, and whittle the 248 emails in my inbox down to 62, but here we are. Still no lift after nearly a month (we haven't seen our stuff for over 2 months), but everyone here has been great - arranging for mattresses, a little card table and chairs, a beer fridge (way to make the Canadians feel really at home!) and even a pot and pan. What more do you need?
By the way, you have GOT to love the irony. My first time logging in to the Blogger dashboard to post in months, and what's the Blogger update?
"Babies are all the buzz at Blogger. Within the last few months we've had three new additions to the Blogger Team: Ryan, Aditya, and Haley. Although it'll probably be a few years before they start sounding off themselves, we get to post some cute pics of them now."
Back in the old days, if you had a Blogger profile and chose to show your email, your email address would show in the comments when the comments were emailed to the blog owner. If you didn't have a Blogger profile, I think you had to enter your email address and then it would show to the blog owner.
But now, the only address that shows is "noreply@blogger.com." Which means, if someone comments and I want to reply to them personally, I have to go track down their blog and find their email address.
That is, assuming they have a blog. And assuming they have an email address listed somewhere.
Heh. I just re-read this, and now I sound like a stalker.
I don't go crazy trying to find someone's address, it's just that sometimes someone says something really nice, or meaningful, or it's something that I can really relate to and I want to "bond." It frustrates me that I can't. If it's because the commenter wants to stay private, fine. But if it's Blogger's fault?
The downside to anonymous blogging is that when you reveal yourself to people who read your blog, and meet them in real life, you tend to think twice about what you say in your blog.
Hubby and I have "come out" to a few people and had a lovely time with them. I've now introduced myself to two lovelybloggers with whom I will be neighbours when we move to Israel. I'm really looking forward to meeting both of them in person!
The problem is, I need to rant. About something very personal. But I don't want the people I know IRL to necessarily know this stuff. Some of it has to with Hubby, and I don't want to embarrass him or make him look bad to the people who know him.
So I'm stuck having no one to talk to.
Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy to have met some of my fellow bloggers in person. And I'm very much looking forward to meeting my soon-to-be neighbours! I don't regret that for a moment.
It's just that... I've lost something. I'm amazed at those people who can put themselves out there, without hiding behind anonymity, having the courage to just be themselves. I've witnessed some episodes where people (usually family members) got hurt as a result of that openness, but they typically seem to work things out in the end. But those are rare occasions. The payoff of being "out there" is you have family and friends posting on your blog and being supportive. And knowing what's going on without you have to answer the same questions over and over and over. Not being anonymous definitely seems to have its advantages.
Honest, I didn't mean to drop off the face of the earth for 3 weeks. I have been so swamped at work, that I barely have time to pee, never mind take a lunch, read my email (sorry, Mom, I'll mail soon!), and forget about reading blogs. I'm 14 posts behind on the blog with the fewest unread posts. I go home, eat dinner, and collapse into bed.
I knew today was going to be quiet-ish, so I was hoping to post. I just thought I'd be able to be witty and fun. But it's not in me today, because sadly, my family suffered a horrible tragedy a few days ago. For privacy reasons, I can't go into it, but suffice it to say someone is dead and a 3-year old will likely be having nightmares for the rest of his life. Someone I love very much, along with her children, is suffering a pain and horror I hope no one ever has to know. All because another person was selfish and cruel and in incredible pain that he refused to acknowledge and seek help for, and did something despicable.
I want to pray that his soul finds peace, but I can't yet. Right now, I'm happy to hope that his soul rots away in agony for what he's inflicted on my family. And my attention is better spent praying for strength for my family right now. Then I can pray that I find the strength to forgive him, and that my family finds a way to forgiveness and healing. It's going to be a very long time.
I'm sorry this sounds like such a tease. But I need to talk about it, but I can't talk about it here, but this is my best forum for it. It's all so sad.
D'ya ever go back and read some of your previous blog entries just for fun? D'ya alternate between thinking, "what the heck did I write that for?" and "heh. I'm funny."
I get some funny Google searches. I get some that make me sad, too, like anyone actually looking up infertility information. I'm sad when anyone is in that situation.
For your pre-Shabbat (or weekend for my non-Jewish friends in the nets) reading pleasure, forthwith I present my most recent Google searches, and my comments on each.
getting 3cc but injections Could this be 3cc "butt" injections? I have no idea what this means.
male jewish pregnancy blood test To the best of my knowledge, there is no blood test to check for male pregnancy, Jewish or otherwise.
infertility roller coaster male perspective I wonder if this was a man searching, or a very thoughtful woman searching to get some insight on her infertile husband?
gallbladder Twitching HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I'm so sorry I'm not alone. (btw, it turns out it's related to my IBS)
is socializing difficult for an orthodox kosher jew? It doesn't have to be. It depends on with whom you wish to socialize. If an orthodox kosher jew wants to socialize with people who insist on eating bacon out on a Friday night, that might be difficult. If an OKJ wants to meet some friends for a drink after work, no problem. Going to the movies is a problem for some groups, but not others. Of those who go to the movies, some will go to any movie, others will only go to "family" movies (no sex, bad language, etc.).
count for how many jewish males are in the world Why would someone want to know this? Besides, everyone knows it really only matters how many Jewish FEmales there are in the world, since we're the ones with all the power ;)
why jews want male babies Most Jews want healthy babies. While there are some Jews, as with any group, who would prefer a male child (you don't have to pay for the wedding!), most orthodox Jews want at least one male and one female baby, to satisfy the mitzvah of p'ru urvu, be fruitful and multiply. This mitzvah is typically seen to include both a male and female baby, because it takes a male and female to multiply. Not that you would want your male and female babies to multiply with each other. Ew.
darfur genesis Thank you for being interested in this horrific situation. I hope you found my links helpful.
vasectomy and orthodoxy Makes it sound like two religions, no? Welcome to the High Orthodox Church of Vasectomy. Orthodox Jews say it is a no-no. Doesn't mean some don't do it. Doesn't mean some didn't do it before they became orthodox.
orthodox judiasm and egg donation I'd direct this person to Wessel's site, but she took it down. Jews are allowed to use donor eggs. There are, of course, guidelines for using donor eggs, so consult your LOR (locally ordained rabbi).
jewish infertility Yep, Jews can be infertile, just like anyone.
johnny depp jewish ancestry Oh no he doesn't. With that cute little nose?
jewish fish fertility Jewish fish? Fish fertility? There are no Jewish fish (aside from gefilte. And lox, of course). And it's been my experience that fish are extremely fertile. How would you do IVF on a fish, anyway? And how would you circumcise the little buggers?!!
A warm, infertility blogger welcome to Kirby. Kirby is another Ortho Jewish blogger, dealing with Male Infertility Factor. I always hate when someone else has to join the club, but as I told Kirby, I'm always so glad there's a club to join. Having someone with whom to share your struggles doesn't necessarily make the struggle easier, but it definitely makes it more tolerable.
I'm an Orthodox Jew on the IVF road to, well, somewhere. Hopefully parenthood. We're dealing with age, male infertility, Orthodoxy, finances, in-laws and one neurotic dog.
::Note::
Please do not use me as a guideline for Jewish practice. I am always learning, and what is okay in my community, might not be okay in yours. I'm happy to answer your questions, bearing in mind you should always consult your Rav for the standards of your community.
Also, if you think you know who I am, please don't wave hi. My ability to speak freely is important to me, so I don't want to know that you know. Todah rabah.
