31 August 2008

Blog, interrupted

How frustrating to finally get myself back into blogging, only to have isp problems that keep knocking me offline. At least we think it's isp problems. We have a tech coming over today.

Now if I were a logical person, I would write all my blogs in a notepad and then during the few minutes I have online, I would pop in and throw a post up.

That's if I were logical.

I guess I'll just have to learn to write my posts out before hand so I'm not thrown off by being thrown off.


21 August 2008

More ammo for the right wing

Of course she did. :sigh:

"...Khamis, who already has three daughters, took fertility drugs in an effort to have a son."

The full article is here.

I know the story isn't so new, but I'm a little slow on the draw these days. The first frustrating thing is the use of fertility drugs and having septuplets. That one's just fuel for the fire for the folks who are all against reproductive assistance.

Then, she took fertility drugs so she could have a boy. Well, now she's got boys. Four of 'em. All at once.

Thennnn, there's discovering she was carrying multiples and not wanting to have an "abortion." It's called selective reduction, people. Sure you could make an argument that it's a form of abortion. But medically, it's not. There is nothing easy about selective reduction, and I certainly don't mean to make it sound like it's just like cleaning out your closet. Thank G-d, her choice (or lack thereof) resulted in stable babies. G-d willing, they should all grow to be healthy and strong. Yes, there are odds for a reason - someone has to be that one in 800,000*.

This whole story got my dander up (could ya tell?), because situations like these do nothing to help the cause of ART. Multiple births contribute to the difficulties in getting ART funded by health care ("why should MY tax dollars pay for all those babies?"). Multiple births in countries that are seen as third world, but really aren't, just perpetuates an attitude of "backwards" people. Not to mention making people with religious convictions look like fanatics because they wouldn't reduce a dangerous pregnancy. So anyone with religious convictions is painted with the same brush. And stories like this cause some women who could benefit from fertility drugs to shy away from using them out of fear of multiples.

Eh, you get my point. I'm done. I'm going to go off and stew in my coffee for a while.

*Note: not an actually statistic. I made something up that sounds very rare to make a point, not to support a research paper.

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12 August 2008

Sperm donation leads to evil, cruelty and sperm donation

Infertility Network reported on an article recently on Ynet regarding a statement by Rabbi Nachum Rabinowitz, a posek in the Religious Zionism movement. R' Rabinowitz stated that, "A woman who decides to have a baby out of wedlock by means of a sperm donation is unbelievably cruel."

I disagree, but I see where he's coming from. Judaism espouses a "traditional" family, ie, a mother, a father and children. It's all over the Torah: "a man shall cleave to his wife," G-d said to Adam and Eve, "be fruitful and multiply." Etc., etc. I would assume (oye, never ever assume) that the Rabbi is implying that this is cruel to the child to deprive him or her of a father and cruel to the potential fathers out there.

R' Rabinowitz added "Whoever plans on having a baby like this by choice, just in order to fulfill her needs as a mother, has exceed all evil and cruelty."

I can argue that one all day. Why does anyone have a child? To fulfill some need, of course. Wether that need is to satisfy a mitzvah, a personal desire, the desire of your husband, all of the above, another option altogether. Why do I want children? Not for some altruistic reason, that's for sure (okay, maybe a little bit altruistic reasons). At what point does fulfilling a need become selfish or evil and cruel? If you satisfy your need for crack, that's all sorts of selfish, but evil and cruel?

Rabbi Yaakov Ariel, president of Tzohar claims that sperm donation encourages birth without marriage, and "grants legitimacy to late spinsterhood." As if most women are single in their later years by choice! Yes, I know many are. But in my (albeit limited) experience, women who choose to remain single also do not want children. My women friends who have had children as single mothers, chose to do so because they were afraid they'd never meet the right man, and never be able to have children if they waited any longer. That ol' biological clock becomes a very real thing.

But the quote that really got me, also from R' Ariel, "There is no such thing as a single-parent family... A family consists of a father, mother, and children."

Tell that to every single mother whose husband left her. Every single mother struggling to raise her children after her husband was killed in an accident, in a war, in a senseless act of violence. Tell that to the single mother fighting to keep it together after her husband has died after a long illness. No single-parent families, my ass. And yes, it works the other way, too: There are countless single fathers who raise beautiful children day after day. However, my impression is it's easier for a single father to find another woman. I know far more single mothers trying to find a date, never mind a husband, than I do single fathers.

If Rabbis could give birth, I think they'd come up with a whole different perspective. Yes, statistically, children do better in two-parent homes that consist of a woman and a man. But that doesn't mean that a child from a single mother will not perform well. It doesn't mean children from a same-sex partnership will suffer. Circumstances are everything. And if a religious woman is not married by her late thirties, and is afraid she won't be able to have children, and understands how being single and having children will affect her life, and understands why she wants this child, then she is not cruel, not evil, not promoting spinsterhood. She is creating a beautiful human being who will be loved and wanted and cherished.

And isn't that fulfilling a hell of a need.

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07 August 2008

Revisiting the past

I actually wrote a blog entry before we left, but never had a chance to post it.

So let's go back in time. Here's what I wrote:
So it's not bad enough I'm worrying about packing, the movers coming (next week!!!), getting rid of the stuff we don't want to bring, how to get from the west coast to the east coast with our dog, finding an apartment, the cost of shipping, running out of money, getting new jobs, saying goodbye to everyone.


I also have to think about whether or not to do another cycle. I know I don't need to think about it right at this moment, but actually, I kinda do. If we want to do another cycle, being Male Factor and all, we have to arrange to ship Hubby's, erm, little guys to Israel. A process that we know is expensive.


Do we want to spend over a thousand dollars of money we can ill afford to waste on something we're not sure we're going to do? Maybe Hubby could have another MESA, you say. Yeah, YOU tell him that. After a vas, vas reversal, and MESA, he swore no one was going near his nether parts with a sharp pointy thing again. He also said, "I shoulda just had a zipper installed" but that's neither here nor there.

We decided by not deciding. The spermcicles are still in Vancouver. Hubby thinks we can have them sent over "anytime." Um, yeah. Sure.

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05 August 2008

Took a wrong turn at Albuquerque

and wound up in Israel! At the risk of sounding really corny, a big huge thanks and a massive group hug to everyone who checked in on me. It's really nice and gives me warm fuzzies to know there are people out there who are concerned about me.

But, I'm fine, all is good in Projgen land. As good as can be expected, of course.

I had mentioned a while back that Hubby and I were planning on moving to Israel. Once we started packing and selling and donating and dumping, there was no time for anything else. We had to find an apartment via email, we had to arrange paperwork, I had to wrap up things at my job, etc., etc. Then we left early to visit with our respective families in our respective countries of origin, so of course, internet access was very limited. Not to mention our time was limited. Any time we could grab an internet connection, it was for finding an apartment, contacting our friends who were helping us find an apartment (thank you Kirby - and her other half - and Rachel!). And of course, once again I'm behind on everyone's blogs. So much so, that I missed Bea's baby! I'll try to catch up.

Took a few weeks to get an internet connection, and whittle the 248 emails in my inbox down to 62, but here we are. Still no lift after nearly a month (we haven't seen our stuff for over 2 months), but everyone here has been great - arranging for mattresses, a little card table and chairs, a beer fridge (way to make the Canadians feel really at home!) and even a pot and pan. What more do you need?

By the way, you have GOT to love the irony. My first time logging in to the Blogger dashboard to post in months, and what's the Blogger update?

"Babies are all the buzz at Blogger. Within the last few months we've had three new additions to the Blogger Team: Ryan, Aditya, and Haley. Although it'll probably be a few years before they start sounding off themselves, we get to post some cute pics of them now."


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