21 December 2007


Gosh, has it really been two months? My how time flies when life-changing decisions pass you by.

Thank you for the comments & emails - it's always nice to know someone's thinking about you. I kept meaning to post, but then I (allow myself to) get sidetracked; I think primarily because I'm in denial. We've basically decided to not pursue IVF any more. We didn't really discuss it so much; we just sort of quietly, independently agreed on the same decision. If that makes sense.

It's really hard to write that and not go back and delete it. Even though we've decided to stop, and I am fully on board with that (in fact, I initiated the idea), I keep having moments of "maybe we should try one more time." I know we've made the right choice, but I can't help questioning that choice. And I'm sure I'm going to question it even when I'm 90, G-d willing I should live so long.

That's probably why I haven't blogged in awhile. I can't bring myself to write anything without "owning up" to no longer being in the game, but I couldn't bring myself to admit, in black & white, that I sidelined myself. I can say it, but I couldn't see it.

So I have to say thank you for the nudge. Asking how I'm doing forced me to put all this down. I've got a bajillion other thoughts on this swirling around in my noggin, which deserve their own posts.

I've been away, which is why I didn't post this sooner. I was at a family Bat Mitzvah. And for the first time, I didn't cry.