This little light of mine
Y'know, I have to say - I am extremely blessed in one aspect of this whole infertility crapfest. Many infertiles have posted about friends getting pg, and how difficult it is to be around them. How they want to be happy for their friends, and they try - hard - but just can't help being upset and depressed. Even jealous. Or they are happy for their friends, yet still have to contend with these negative feelings.All of this makes sense, and is completely understandable. After all we go through, all the disappointments, the crushing negatives, the devastating losses it's near impossible to not be affected by the news that someone near you got pregnant.
For some blessed reason, I don't experience this. I'm not sure why, and I keep expecting these negative feelings to rear their ugly heads when I hear about yet another pregnancy, but I don't. I am truly thrilled when I hear about someone's pg, whether they`ve had an "easy" and "normal" time of it, whether they've struggled with IF for years, or whether they've anticipated having a difficult time because of a medical history and thank G-d didn't.
With all the misery I associate with infertility, and all the garbage that accompanies it - the financial worries, the fights, friends not knowing how to talk to you, etc., etc., ad nauseum - this is one little bright light that I hold onto very tightly. I am so very grateful that I can be happy for everyone who succeeds in grabbing that brass ring, regardless of how the carousel ride went. May G-d continue to grant me this little blessing that holds so much power for me.
Labels: infertility, self-improvement
posted by projgen @ 00:11
5 Comments:
I know I will be delighted to meet you (I am a close relative of those two "lovely bloggers" who are indeed terrific...)
Good deal. I believe this to be a very good blessing indeed! You know, I have had the same little blessing - so I understand exactly what you mean.
We had been trying for 2 1/2 years, and a good friend came up pregnant. I asked to give her a shower and she said, "won't that be hard for you? Considering?". I told her that I was very proud to be there to support her, and I really wanted to. I never really felt jealous of her. I even enjoyed shopping for the "group gifts".
When we finally got pregnant SHE was one of my biggest fans. :) To this day she is one of the people I count on to support me if I have any issues with the little one.
I always said that "as long as they are still making them [babies] I have a chance to get one", as in, this isn't a contest where someone wins and someone else thereby looses.
That is indeed a great blessing.
I did feel jealous a lot, and no matter how hard I wanted not to feel that way, I couldn't make it go away.
I agree that is a great thing! (I definitely had trouble with being happy for others while I was ttc.) It also says a lot about you that you are able to find the joy in others' pregnancies!
Glad you've been blessed this way.
Bea
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