02 January 2008

Friends, infertiles and countrymen

What did infertile woman do before the internet? I can't imagine going through all this for the past few years without you guys. First, I had the blogs that I read, and being sympatico with the other commenters was comforting.

Then I started blogging myself, and being on the receiving end of all that support and caring was a revelation. I receive such strength from your comments. Even if we disagree on things, knowing that you're interested enough to take the time to comment on something I said is powerful.

What did our mothers and their mothers and their mothers do? We still don't really talk about infertility with our real-life friends, we don't search out other infertiles. Where I am, the support groups have not worked. Hardly anyone shows, the leaders keep leaving and the few meetings that have been held, no one really spoke with each other afterwards. A few did, but it was apparent they knew each other already.

We know our matriachs prayed fervently to G-d; we know Rachel took out her frustrations on Jacob when she snapped at him, "Give me children, or else I die." (Gen 30:1) He, of course, snapped right back, with good reason, but if she was looking for support, she wasn't going to find it with Jacob. He already had a bunch of kids, what did he know about what she was suffering? Sarah was bitter enough to actually laugh at G-d when HE told her she'd have a child. Imagine being that cynical and bitter about having a child that you'd laugh at even G-d.

But they lived in a time when G-d was more tangible. In between then and now, what did women do? Especially when you consider that it's only in fairly recent history that "childless by choice" has become socially acceptable. They must have suffered so.

All this is my way of saying thanks for being there. And thank you for your comments about our "decision." You guys rock. And yes, I do hope to keep blogging. Now that it's in black and white, I don't have to avoid the it. And now that Hubby seems to have changed his mind, I'll need you guys to vent to.

Happy New Year. May 2008 bring all our dreams to fruition.



At 2/1/08 4:54 a.m., Blogger Erin said...

Happy new year to you also, and I look forward to reading those vents!

At 2/1/08 5:10 a.m., Blogger Bea said...

The mind-changing! It's a tease.

According to my mother, women - nay, people - used to be more supportive of each other. There was more "community". It wasn't all I'll-look-after-mine you-look-after-yours rush-rush etc etc all the time. People - women - had kitchen tables and back fences, and they knew how to use them.

I don't know how true it all is, of course, but it must have worked for some women. It's easier to find people with the internet, that's for sure.


At 2/1/08 1:32 p.m., Blogger Rachel Inbar said...

I realize it was a rhetorical question, but being ancient enough to have gone through infertility before the internet, I guess it depended most on what type of person you are...

I saw infertility as something that was happening to me, not as part of who I was, so it was easy for me to talk about it. I got a lot of the 'it'll work out', some of the 'just relax' and got to answer plenty of questions (to which I didn't know the answers nearly as well as I do now).

People at work knew because I had to be late a lot, my friends knew - wouldn't you tell them if you were working on any other big project? & slowly I broke the news to family - I remember telling my brother that I was going to have my first IVF shortly before he went to be a counselor at a camp in Russia - He was 21-1/2 and didn't really understand what I was talking about... People you KNEW didn't have IVF.

It was great to have some support throughout the cycle and the waiting (frequently they had you at home for the first 4 days after transfer!) and then everyone knew when beta day was and I'd just call & tell everybody what was going on.

I'm guessing that for more private people or for people who took it more personally, it was much harder.

Glad to see you blogging again :-)

At 3/1/08 12:26 a.m., Blogger Lut C. said...

I've asked myself that question many times before.

At 3/1/08 3:36 a.m., Blogger Stacie said...

Vent away...that is what we are here for!

Happy 2008!


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