06 January 2008

To be or not to sleep

Will they or won't they. Ah, there's the rubbing question. To shake up Shakespeare a bit.

When last we met projgen and Hubby, they had decided to give up on the whole pursuing fertility thing. No more cycles. No more talk of IVF. No more clinic appointments, no more pouring every penny of savings into useless drugs, retrievals and transfers. No more false hope.

But then. Ah, but then!

While walking down the street one day (not in the merry month of May), projgen innocently turns to Hubby and brings up Mum's comment about adopting in Israel. "I can't believe she said that," says pg.

And then Hubby says, "I think we should look into it."

[end scene]

Um. What?

We've talked about adoption, and we both decided it wasn't for us. People who adopt are very special people. Thank G-d there are people out there who want to adopt. I just don't think I'm one of them. I don't know if I could ever get over the lack of genetic connection. Which is funny, since nobody really looks alike in my family. But, I love looking at pictures of Hubby's great-great grandfather and seeing Hubby's face. Hubby's family all have distinct similarities; they're not identical, but you sure know they related. I wanted that for our children, too. And selfishly, I don't want to deal with the issue of birth parents, and what if someday my adopted child wants to find his birth parents? I could never keep that information from my child, but I know I'm not strong enough to deal with that issue. Those are just some of the difficulties I have regarding us adopting.

Hubby has always said that he wants to have a family with me. He wants a child that will have my smile, his eyes, my hair, etc., etc., which is partly why he wasn't so keen on adopting.

So where did this, "I think we should look into it" come from?

Then, he dropped the big bomb: after 6 months of living in Israel, we're eligible for free IVF. He thinks we should try again.

Hello? Excuse me. Can anyone tell me when this rollercoaster ride ends?

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At 9/1/08 6:53 a.m., Anonymous Anonymous said...

Umm. Hate to add to it, but I'm with hubby. You gotta decide what you want to do, but I think it depends on whether or not finances are a factor in whether or not you want to do another cycle.
And you don't have to wait six months. We waited about two and yes, it is completely free except for a minimal cost of meds.
It's just different here. I don't really know how to quantify it, but cycling, IVF and IUI are just a different world here. It would be a shame to dismiss it before you even get here (PS - when is that?)

At 9/1/08 9:25 a.m., Blogger Rachel Inbar said...

I didn't know you were considering moving to Israel...

I'm with whatever you're up to. I mean, at some point you're going to look back at this time in your life and the question is what you'll wish you had done, regardless of the outcome.

At 10/1/08 12:29 a.m., Blogger JewishMama said...

Maybe when the pressure was off your hubby had time to think about the IVF/adoption issue. Whatever happens, it should go well!

At 10/1/08 7:33 a.m., Blogger projgen said...

Thankfully, money wasn't an issue this time around, it was the "use donor eggs" command from our RE. Which we don't want to do for all sorts of reasons.

And y'know, it didn't even occur to me, kirby, that you started ivf almost right away!

We're making aliyah, b"H, this summer! And as of tonight, Modi'in is on our list of possibilities. Who wants to help us find a house? ;)

At 10/1/08 8:27 a.m., Blogger Bea said...

I can help with the house-hunting, but I think the advice to ask yourself how you'll feel about the decision down the track is a good one.

As for donor eggs, yeah, that would leave me feeling pretty shaken. But I wonder how often it gets suggested when the IVF is free (or minimal cost) compared to completely out of pocket? Seems to me, for example, doctors are a lot less likely to recommend donor eggs in Australia (of course, donor eggs are also harder to come by here...)

Anyway. You can always get an opinion once there and decide together.

Until you both do, the rollercoaster keeps a-running.


At 11/1/08 10:14 p.m., Blogger Nearlydawn said...

My personal opinion is that this particular roller coaster doesn't exactly end; you just decide not to ride it or ever LOOK at it again.

It seems like wherever you are in the IF cycles of decisions and proceedure, on the coaster or off, you can still see the darned thing and you wonder, "What would happen if I rode it one more time?"

If there is a little "niggle" of doubt about which way to go you owe it to yourself to check it out, which doesn't mean you have to actually start another cycle. It is just to be sure you don't second guess for the rest of your life. You need to be sure you are sure you don't want to ride again.

Sorry for all the metephor, but it seemed to work...

At 22/1/08 12:55 a.m., Blogger Lut C. said...

I can imagine that came as a big surprise, after having decided to stop.

At 25/1/08 4:59 p.m., Blogger miriamp said...

I think all of life is a roller coaster, sorry. (Or a set of roller coasters, and your only choice is which one(s) to ride, not if.) Hatzlacha with whichever you choose.

At 6/3/08 9:23 p.m., Anonymous LC said...

{{{{hugs}}}} Since I can't type Hebrew anyway, I'll just translate:

Leave in peace, arrive in peace, and I wish you loads of peace of mind during the process and after you arrive in Israel.

At 24/3/08 3:38 p.m., Blogger Rach said...

Let me know if you're looking at Modiin... There are some pretty nice people here :-)

I hope things are going well for you & look forward to hearing from you.


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