20 June 2007

Break out the vodka, it's a pity party

Sorry to run away. I got tired of myself. I didn't feel like listening to myself be gloomy and gripe about yet another thing (that would be my RE's secretary saying she might be able to get us an appointment for August. Hellooo! Ticking time bomb here - uterus could explode and turn into dust any second now.)

I'm just tired of everything being so hard. Of course, Hubby and I were international, so I had to immigrate for us to be together (a year-long process that cost mega bucks). Of course, we had to get married out of town (to accomodate family). Of course, since my divorce from my first marriage was in the States, I had to pay to get a letter from a lawyer confirming that my divorce is, in fact, valid. Of course, since the local rabbi where we got married was out of town and our rabbi was from another country, the person we asked to sign the legal docs (a very old family friend) accused us two days before the wedding of only inviting him to sign the docs, resulting in a frantic, last-minute scramble to find a justice of the peace to sign the docs. Of course, we want kids, but Hubby had a vas. Of course, Hubby's VR didn't work. Of course, the docs tell us to wait at least 6 months to see if the VR worked, and then when it didn't work, they tell us we have to HURRY! I'm OLD!! Of course, the market falls out of Hubby's line of work just as we start cycling. Of course, we couldn't get any of our family to help us so we could do a second cycle. Of course, when we finally get to cycle again, RE tells us to move quickly because I'm OLD!!! Of course, when the cycle fails, RE isn't available for an appointment until August. (this list, of course, omits all the "cancel, don't cancel, no follies, few follies, any eggs? a few eggs" drama)

I know, in the grand scheme of things, this is nothing. It's absolutely nothing compared to those of you who have cycled 7, 8, 9 times. It's nothing compared to those of you who have suffered devastating losses. And I'm in now way intending to belittle the hardships anyone else has endured. I just need to whine and feel sorry for myself. Why does everything have to be so damn hard? Just once, once, I'd like to get something major that I really, truly want so badly, without having it be such a life-altering struggle.

Just once.

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7 Comments:

At 20/6/07 8:34 PM, Blogger Rachel Inbar said...

Wow. You have been through a lot... I sure hope that you get your wish - that something goes easily. I guess after a while, we stop believing it can happen, but it still can.

Any luck in pushing up the appointment?

 
At 20/6/07 10:09 PM, Blogger Erin said...

I don't think it sounds like you're complaining. You have been through huge hardships in practically everything that most people take forgranted. I can't believe that they don't have any appointments before August--that's just adding insult to injury. "Gee, sorry you're not pregnant...and we can't even try to get you pregnant again for several months." Ouch.

 
At 21/6/07 5:42 AM, Blogger Nearlydawn said...

Wow! That's about all I can say. Who knew all this struggle was lurking behind your IF story.

I hope you will find your way to getting your dreams.

BTW - try going down to the RE's office. It is harder for them to not work with you on a new date if you are staring at them. It's a thought!

 
At 21/6/07 3:10 PM, Blogger Bea said...

Why does everything have to be just a little bit harder than it should be? Or in many of your cases, a lot?

Now seems like a good time for a pity party. Don't feel bad for throwing one - there will always, always be someone worse off. Doesn't mean your problems aren't sucky or important. You can get all "perspective" with it later if you want to.

Bea

 
At 21/6/07 7:02 PM, Blogger ellie said...

Yikes. You have had a rough period of time. sorry that it is so hard! I hope it gets better. Bummer about your RE's office scheduling you for August.
I find the place I go does things in groups so all the women are cycling at the same time-- makes for an interesting waiting room.

 
At 22/6/07 10:21 PM, Blogger Just another Jenny said...

You don't have to do a million IVF's to feel the pain, or have the right to be a little pissed off at life. I feel for you and I am so sorry that you have to go through this hurt.

 
At 26/6/07 1:05 AM, Blogger megan said...

i agree with Bea. . . this is the perfect time for a pity party, and you shouldn't feel even remotely bad for throwing it. you've just been dealt a terrible blow on top of a whole heap of other things. if you weren't feeling a bit sorry for yourself i would be a bit concerned.
i'm sorry, progen. i really hope you and hubby get some good news soon.
can you get on a cancellation list with the RE?

 

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