31 October 2006

Should I carry a lucky rabbit's foot, too?

Blog at work. Heh. You guys are funny. If I had time to blog at work, I wouldn't have a dilemma, now would I? Silly infertiles. So apparently, the answer how to find time to blog is to ignore the laundry, don't go grocery shopping, and especially don't take time to shave my legs. I could do TWO entries in the time it takes me to de-fuzz. And besides, I wear long skirts, so no one will see the hairy gams anyway. And sex is right out.

Speaking of infertiles, a couple Hubby and I know just had twins. Yep, they use the same clinic we do. They know we're also part of the club.* There's a great tradition in Judaism of segulot, practices to bring about events. For instance, if you are wanting to conceive, immerse in a mikvah (ritual bath) immediately after a woman about to give birth. Or, hand the baby from the father to the mother at a brit milah, or circumcision ceremony.

Yeah, that one. The new parents called us and wanted to give us the "honour" of that segulah. I put "honour" in quotes, because while we're really touched and flattered that they thought of us,
    a) Everyone in the room would know exactly why we were doing that. It would be like we're the chick in the bikini who carries the big sign with the Round Number on it during a boxing match.

    2) We don't believe in segulot. They are like talismans, good luck charms, superstitions, which are all forbidden according to Jewish law. If G-d intends for us to have children, the means for earning enough money will come along if we do our part (ie, go out and get jobs), not because we tied a red ribbon around our wrist.**

    C) Holding a baby during a ceremony will not rub any "baby dust" onto us, nor will it suddenly make $10,000 drop into our lap.***

    iv) Holding an 8-day old infant whom I know was conceived using IVF would make me bawl like an idiot, and I'd be in front of all those people. And I'd probably drop the baby.

As it turned out, we weren't able to go, anyway. It was during the day, and we both had to work (yes, Hubby got a new job, too!), so we had a ready-made excuse without having to embarass this lovely couple or ourselves. Again, we appreciate their thoughtfulness, and are grateful they considered us. Our issue is with the practice, not the people.

But still... there is a teeny, tiny part of me that wonders, what if...?

*To rebut the great Groucho Marx: "I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member." Some clubs don't give you much choice.

**This is not to be confused with the oft-quoted-by-well-meaning-idiots, "Maybe you aren't meant to have children." It may seem the same on the surface, but it is very different. Trust me.

***Although, if a) is true, then perhaps all the people at the
Brit Milah will feel sorry for us, and give us $10,000.


At 31/10/06 11:16 a.m., Blogger Meg said...

Projgen - I laughed at your last post. maybe even an LOL or LMAO (blick)

The answer is: with great difficulty. It takes a pure obsessive! But after a while even the most assiduous of us realise we can't take it anymore.

Or not without people noticing anyway.

At 31/10/06 11:33 p.m., Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know exactly how you feel about the segulah. It drives me crazy. My husband and I have been kvater for friends maybe 7 or 8 times. I hate it because everyone takes it upon themselves to remind us at the bris that it's a segualah, and by the way, come here and eat the heel of the challah because it is also a segulah for having children, or maybe it just make you have boy babies, we're not really sure. I really think people have lost sight of the fact that it's an HONOR to be given to someone worthy of it...

In July, we held a very close friend's baby on the condition that she didn't read anything into it. She knew how touchy I was about it and she completely understood and told me very frankly that segulah or not (and she had, as she said, a perfect record with this particular segulah), they would be honored if we would please do this for them. So we did. Three weeks later I had my first successful IUI, and she was careful not to rub in the fact that it had "worked" (so to speak)... which is good, because three months after that, I had a miscarriage.

Suffice it to say... I'm not holding any more babies at their bris.

At 1/11/06 1:35 a.m., Blogger Lut C. said...

Oh good, so when can we expect the next post? Two legs, two posts. :-)

I can see how this tradition would make you feel like everone in the room is pointing there finger at you.
I'm glad you got out from it without anyone 'losing face' over it.

Congratulations to your husband on getting a new job. I hope it helps you realize your dreams.

At 2/11/06 7:49 a.m., Anonymous Truly Tested said...

I guess this is what they might call a double-edged sword. Wonderful that they thought of you, but then, what were they thinking? That could have been awful. Glad you had a natural "out" and congrats on the job front!

At 2/11/06 2:22 p.m., Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes, congrats on the job! Maybe if you took the baby and charged out hugs for approved relatives and friends at $1000 a pop? Would the parents go for that?


At 7/11/06 8:41 p.m., Blogger Rachel Inbar said...

Congrats on the new jobs!

My brother had twins a week after I miscarried & passed the baby to me during the brit... I guess it gave me an opportunity to cry (then again, I always cry at a brit).

While we were at the brit, my older brother called to say his wife had delivered a boy (yes, exactly a week apart).

I can only imagine how frustrating it is for money to be such a major factor :-(

At 8/11/06 4:58 a.m., Blogger projgen said...

Oh yeah, thanks everyone for all the good wishes on the job front. I guess I should have mentioned that we both found jobs, eh? ;)

Bea - lol! I love your plan - not only could I make money, I bet I'd never be invited to be kvater again! hehe

Karen, I'm so sorry about your miscarriage. And also grateful that your friend didn't pull the "see? I told you" card.

Rachel, oy. Did you know your brother was going to pass you the baby? And what timing for your other brother, too. That must have been such a rough day for you. Big hugs.


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