16 October 2006

In the beginning

So why is it that hearing about a couple whose children were all born through IVF doesn't make happy for them - or even nod and say, "that's nice" - it just makes me cry? I don't feel any 'sympatico' feelings towards them, I don't feel like these are people I can bond with, and even though I should, I certainly don't feel like here are people who understand.

I just cry.

And then, the next day, we read Breishit, Genesis, the first parsha, or chapter, in the Torah, and out loud, for everyone to hear, the reader bellows "p'ru ur'vu, be fruitful and multiply" (maybe he didn't bellow, maybe it just seemed like it to my hypersensitive ears).

I didn't actually believe everyone was pointing at me, thinking, "you can't fulfill that, nya-nya-nya-nya-nya." I just felt like they were.


At 16/10/06 10:03 p.m., Anonymous ruth said...

{{hug}} i know i can't do much, but ...

At 16/10/06 11:43 p.m., Blogger Lut C. said...

Aren't you being a bit hard on yourself? Probably you would sympathize with them, if you had the opportunity to try IVF yourself.
Do they understand what you're going through? Being stuck in limbo like this? Being on the outside looking in?

At 17/10/06 1:58 a.m., Anonymous Erin said...

The position you're in is incredibly hard. It's like Lut C said--limbo. No way to go, no way to move.

At 17/10/06 11:17 a.m., Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think that sounds normal. If someone tells me about an IVF pregnancy, the first question I have now is, "How much IVF?" It's hard to be happy for someone who is better off than you. For what it's worth, I don't think that makes you a bad person.


At 24/10/06 1:39 p.m., Blogger Rachel Inbar said...

Despite being one of those who would make you cry (sorry), I really do understand it. When I was going through IF I found it difficult to be happy for a friend who'd been trying for 13 years and lost triplets on the way (when they should have been viable). Maybe it was her attitude or maybe I was just so selfish that all I wanted was to have one of my own.


BTW, have you ever considered moving to Israel? OK, I'm sure you must have...

At 24/10/06 11:02 p.m., Blogger projgen said...

Yeah, I probably am being harder on myself than necessary, but it was how I was feeling at the time (oh, who am I kidding, I still feel like that). *sigh*

Funny, though, I don't wonder how many cycles they've gone through, I wonder how they paid for it. So rude of me.

Rachel, I don't think it's selfishness, just frustration and confusion on the part of the infertile. And yes, we totally have considered moving to Israel. We need money to do that, too. We're sort of working on that angle... And mazal tov - I assume from your comment that you are one of the success stories!

At 28/10/06 5:14 a.m., Anonymous Truly Tested said...

It's hard to feel happy for others who have managed to achieve that which still eludes you and that which was your life dream. Even if they have gone through the hell of IF. So I completely understand.

Your post jogged my memory about something I heard on TV or the radio...can't remember which. Actually I think it was a reference to Marie Antoinette and that "she failed to produce an heir for him." There's something in that that I believe adds insult to injury in terms of IF. Somehow it feels like a personal and a societal failure all at once.


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