28 July 2006

Truth or dare

WARNING: pg & baby mentioned

I have a confession to make. There's a baby out there that I couldn't care less about.

See, I have a single friend who is two years younger than I. She has been in numerous long-term relationships, but has never been married. Last year, her age got to her, and she decided to become a single mother. So she toddled off to her local clinic, bing-bang-boom, she got pregnant and very recently gave birth to a beautiful baby.

I am happy for her. Honest. She didn't have much of a struggle, she loves her baby and she's happy. But for some reason, I feel nothing for this baby. Other friends, when they get pregnant, I'm thrilled for them. When they have their babies, I can't get enough of them (weird for an infertile, I know. Maybe I'm secretly planning to take off with one, but I keep losing my nerve). But this one? Eh. I keep forgetting to look at pictures, ask for updates, etc.

Is it because she's single? No. I know lots of single moms, and besides, I still like her. Is it because she might have been able to have babies easily the "natural" way, and I think this is a cop-out, and she should have to wait and find out like the rest of us? Maybe. A little. But I totally understand her fear of not finding a husband "in time" and wanting to be a mom, so I don't begrudge her that at all. Is it because she's single and somehow managed, on one okay-but-not-outstanding salary, to afford IVF and donor sperm? Might be that one.

Whatever the reason, it freaks me out a little that there's a baby out there that I can be ambivalent about. What happens if I get too old to do IVF, but we can finally afford to do something, so we adopt - and then I'm ambivalent towards him or her? Or we use donor eggs and same thing?

It's just a litle nervewracking.


At 29/7/06 5:15 a.m., Blogger Moishe Q. Public said...

No way in heck you will be ambivalent towards your own, adopted, IVF'd or whatever. Period. Never.

At 29/7/06 7:16 a.m., Blogger DI_Dad said...

Nobody ever said that dealing with infertility, much less MFI, would leave you sane especially when dealing with individuals who seem to become pregnant without the same pain we have endured.

At 30/7/06 12:38 p.m., Blogger Meg said...

PG - Full agreement on what these folks said. (and I don't think we need to connect with every baby, just like we don't connect with every adult.)

Love to you. You've really been copping the pregancy and babies business lately. xx

At 30/7/06 10:49 p.m., Blogger Lut C. said...

Oh dear! Then I'm in big trouble. I didn't particularly like other people's babies/kids before IF.

I'm not interested in both my SIL's babies. I'd prefer not to see them again for a long, long time.

But I'm sure the mother instinct will kick in, if/when the time comes.

At 1/8/06 7:46 a.m., Blogger Evan said...

Perhaps it's just a particularly boring baby.

At 1/8/06 4:35 p.m., Blogger Just another Jenny said...

I cannot imagine that you would be ambivalent towards a child of your own (no matter how concieved).

At 1/8/06 9:22 p.m., Blogger projgen said...

Wow, lots of new people commenting! Welcome, all.

di_dad, "sane"? Sorry, that hasn't been in my vocabulary for ages! ;)

lut, I'm sure when it's your baby, you won't want to be apart for even a minute (well, maybe a few minutes to sleep!).

Thanks, everyone.

At 8/8/06 5:53 a.m., Blogger The Town Criers said...

And I don't think the ambivalence is truly the child. I think it's child-as-an-extension-of-the-mother-as-an-extension-of-the-situation.

Not that you should ever write-off emotions, but I don't think you'll ever feel that ambivalence when it's your own child. Think of all the children who are not genetically related to you that you love to pieces.


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