26 July 2006

Have I not taken enough abuse already?

Oh, for fuck's sake. So my post about "just adopt" is not 5 minutes up when I have to deal with YET ANOTHER PERSON throwing around the JA words. Am I a freakin' magnet this week for the adoption missionaries?* This is 4 flippin' days in a row, people!

So this person unfortunately claims the title of straw, and received a lecture on the grieving process, the expense involved, the wait, the lack of babies (an aside: a dear friend of mine insisted on looking into the adoption process in Israel. She stated emphatically that there are so many orphans because of all the years of terrorist bombings in Israel, and if only we would adopt an Israeli child, it would be such a mitzvah. I sighed and said, sure, look into it. There is a SIX YEAR wait in Israel for an infant. There are very few children available, because families almost always take in children orphaned in attacks. The perception that there are millions of babies just waiting to be adopted is prevalent all over the world).

Not long after that, I had to deal with a new tack: donor eggs. Why don't I "just" use donor eggs. I think I had a stroke at that one. What the hell do you say to that? You know ab.so.lute.ly no.thing about my situation. Why the FUCK would you think donor eggs are the answer for me? Do you even know anything about donor eggs? Do you know that you can't pay for donor eggs in Canada? It's illegal. You have to find some sucker kind, generous soul who is willing to go through meds and retrieval just because they like you. You might be lucky and have a sister or a best friend who loves you that much. Or I could go to the States and pay $18,000 for a donor, but if I had $18,000 I WOULD DO IVF FOR $6,000 HERE IN CANADA.


Why, Lrd, why are you taxing me so? Four solid days of this? Why? What are you trying to tell me?

Oh. Wait. Gd is probably trying to tell me I should just adopt.

Lut mentioned that Karen at The Naked Ovary wrote a good post on the adoption topic. I disagreed with a bit of it, which I noted in my comments to this post, waaaay down at the bottom.

*Please. Let me get one thing straight. Adoption is a beautiful thing. Whether you adopt right off the bat, or you try IF treatments for a while, and then adopt, whether you are infertile and adopting or fertile and adopting makes no difference. Taking in children that someone else gave birth to and making them your very own - your family, your offspring - and showering them with love is a blessing. My issue is solely with the people who spew "JA" like babies are stocked in stores and there's no expense, paperwork, interminable wait, government beaurocracies, birth mothers changing their minds, etc., etc. to go through.


At 27/7/06 4:43 a.m., Anonymous ruth said...

oh hon...

{{{hugs}}} and any other love i can send your way.

i don't understand why hashem is doing this ... i wish i could help...

here, have some more {{hugs}} and i'll try to bake some chocolate chip cookies for you. ok?

At 27/7/06 6:39 a.m., Blogger Meg said...

Oh, and fair enough, PG. I was amazed about the amount of people who thought you could "Just Do IVF". Shows what they know.

Sorry you have to put up with this crapola. It's all bullshit.

At 27/7/06 9:40 a.m., Anonymous Rona Michelson said...

Just adopt?

Back in olden times (1975) when we wanted another child, we applied to adopt because we heard there were so many unwanted children. After going through the adoption home study and all of the references and letters and explaining that we would take a child up to the age of 8, male or female, mixed race, with any type of disability that could be overcome enough to lead a reasonably normal life... We were told: "There are no children like that available; however, if you would consider someone who is blind and deaf and retarded or a sibling group of three, we may have a match." We never did adopt. So much for "all those children just waiting for homes."

It's always easy to give advice when you're ignorant...

At 27/7/06 10:28 p.m., Blogger Lut C. said...

I read your comments over at Karen's blog. You raise a good point.

I hope you get a big break now.

At 1/8/06 1:28 a.m., Blogger Ella said...

I've been lurking on your blog for a while and I had to chime in. The JA coments recently got to me too and I had an analogy about it on my blog as well. WTF - what's wrong with people? My analogy is in response to a single friend who told me to JA. My response to her, well why don't you become a lesbian if you're so sick of being single. Obviously nothing is wrong with either option but if it's not in the plan, then it's not for you. In biblical times, there was such thing as adoption. And I just read an advanced copy of Anne Roiphe's new book about the 4 matriarchs of the Torah (called Water in the Well). It gave me a lot of perspective on my own dry well and how filling it with somoene else's biological child isn't going to make me feel complete.


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