Future tense

Maybe it's delayed PPTSD (Post-Passover Traumatic Stress Disorder*), but all I feel like doing lately is crying. Lots of kids during Passover, lots of beautiful interaction between parents and kids, lots of goo-gooing at the cute baby at the table and all the adults ignoring the other adults in order to goo-goo at said baby, lots of realization that I have some lovely Passover things that a) will never get used, because, not having a family of our own means chances are good we will never conduct our own seder, which means the beautiful seder plate we have will remain pristine, and b) will never get passed on to anyone, may be contributing to this feeling.

Gee, ya think?

Every day, twice a day, when we say the Sh'ma, we say,

"V'hayu ha-d'varim ha-ayleh asher anochi m'tzav'cha ha-yom al l'vavecha. V'shinantam l'vanecha, v'dibarta bam b'shivt'cha b'vaytecha, uv'lecht'cha baderech, uv'shachb'cha uv'kumecha."
And these words that I command you today shall be in your heart. And you shall teach them diligently to your children, and you shall speak of them when you sit at home, and when you walk along the way, and when you lie down and when you rise up.

Every day, twice a day, I am reminded that I don't have any children to teach these words to.

So I find myself dwelling on questions like, Who will conduct the yard sale to sell our stuff after we're shuffled into the old age home? For that matter, who will make sure we're sent to an old age home? Who will say Kaddish for me when I die?

S'okay, though. Eventually I'll go back to convincing myself that I never really wanted kids in the first place.


* The first person who gets on my case for making a pun on PTSD gets my victim-of-PTSD boot up their keister. I am intimately aware of PTSD and its seriousness. But sometimes, ya just gotta mock the absurdity of life however you can.

posted by projgen @ 03:21