30 December 2005

The lady needs a proper introduction

I realized with my many ramblings here that I haven't really properly introduced myself. A little hint in my profile, a bit of a preview in my first post, but that's about it. So here goes.

My hubby (hmmm. What should I call him? Can I just always say "Hubby" or is that weird? I've always liked "Tad" but is that an appropriate name for an older Jewish man? Let me think on this awhile.) and I married in our young 30's. We always talked about having children, but Hubby had er, um, a blockage. So he had surgery, Urologist #1 pronounced it a huge success, "it couldn't have been more technically perfect!" We should see results in about 6 months, so we should be patient.

So we wait.

And wait.

And wait.

And have a test.

"0/0" Family Doctor says. 0 sperm, 0 motility. That doesn't sound so technically perfect. Because we're no longer young 30's at this point (this is a good place to point out that it takes Hubby a while to actually take care of things, so the surgery wasn't immediately after we got married. And it also had to be rescheduled, which added another 3 months to the already long delay), FD rushes us off to Urologist #2, who insists that because I'm now old, we have to move fast. Perhaps FD should have told U#2 why we were visiting and then U#2 wouldn't have kept us waiting 4 months to see him in the first place, thereby removing a little bit of the rush.

So off we go to schedule a MESA, which takes another 3 months (I'm not sure what constitutes "fast" in this man's world). Success! The U#2 retrieved 6 (or 8, I can't remember now) straws and said Hubby's little guys were healthy and strong.

So off we go to the fertility clinic, where I'm told that in addition to being old, I'm also fat. I need to lose weight. Alrighty, no problem. I can be very dedicated when I need to be, and I started exercising like a fiend (food's never been my problem; I eat very well. I have a metabolism like molasses and unless I am extremely active every day, I will remain stable, but not lose) and voila! I lose the weight. Clinic Doctor says go ahead and we start. Since we're using extracted sperm, we automatically have to do ICSI. I'll get into the details in my "history repeats" entries, but suffice it to say, Cycle #1 did not work.

This was a few months ago, Clinic Doctor sends a letter saying I have good eggs in spite of my advanced age and should try again.

Big whoop. We haven't won the lottery yet, Surgeries #1 and #2 and Cycle #1 ate up all our savings, in the meantime, Hubby hasn't had a lot of work, so there is no way in hell we can afford to do another cycle (no, health insurance does not cover any - any - of the costs). By the time we've recovered financially, I'll really be too old, and probably won't be able to convince any clinics to take us, assuming my eggs are still good. All this, of course, is assuming we can somehow recover enough to have a spare 10 grand lying around.

So now I've gone and gotten myself all upset again. I haven't cried over this in a while, but putting it all down on "paper" sorta slaps you in the face with it. Sorry, I've got to go stick my head in the sand now.

Oh. And it was very nice to meet you.


At 30/12/05 1:35 a.m., Blogger Mindy said...

1. Please get in touch with bonei Olam. 718-252-1212. They will fund at least part of the cycle.

2. Do you post on atime? If not, maybe you should.

3. Welcome and IH ope your stay here is short!

At 30/12/05 8:14 a.m., Anonymous wessel said...

Yes, I'm glad someone mentioned Bonei Olam. Please call them. Beg, borrow, or steal to get that money. Time is of the essence. Do you have a large family? Would someone (preferably a respected patriarch or matriarch) consider approaching the family and asking everyone for a $50 contribution? Would that seem incredibly tacky in your community? (In some communities--not necessarily Jewish though--it is standard practice for all extended family members to pitch in a bit of money to help a young couple buy a house.)

Remember that there IS a solution, even if you just don't see it yet. Now pull that head out of the sand 'cause we have some brainstorming to do! :-)

At 30/12/05 7:08 p.m., Blogger Pamplemousse said...

Hey, welcome!!

At 30/12/05 8:16 p.m., Blogger Lut C. said...

IF and money troubles is a bad combination. I hope you find a solution soon.

I'm grateful that I live in a country with good health care. I still have to discover just how good, but that is a worry for later.

Susan (In a Holding Pattern) wrote an excellent post on why it makes sense for IF to be covered by insurance/government health care.

At 30/12/05 8:21 p.m., Blogger persephone said...

Oh honey, I guess I knew little bits and pieces of this, but it's heartbreaking to read all put together.

I too am having trouble resisting the urge to problem-solve, when maybe all you want to hear right now is sympathy. So file this away for later, okay?

I'm wondering if there are baby-or-your-money-back guarantee programs where you are. How expensive are they? And would it be at ALL possible to take out a loan from something like the Hebrew Free Loan Society (no interest) for it? If it didn't work, you'd be no worse off financially. And if it did - maybe you'd be so happy, you would be able to live with paying it off for years.

I don't know, the idea must seem crazy. But then again, the time does seem to be now. Why can't we be young and financially secure at the same time??

More importantly: hugs. Please don't give up hope.

At 3/1/06 2:24 a.m., Anonymous thalia said...

A sad welcome to our community, I'm sorry you've had to join us (here you go again with the sympathy, sorry!). I'm afraid I have no good advice as I'm not from canada nor am I going through orthodoxy challenges. But I'm glad to make your acquaintance.


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